I can’t put this off any longer, I’ve got to do it and I’m using the blog as a tool to make sure that I do it.
I have been using this blog to push myself to lose weight by achieving the goals I have set myself in conjunction with my personal trainer.
Things have been going really well and I’m pleased I have got a little outlet here on this blog, somewhere anonymous to hold myself accountable and challenge myself and also some where to pour out by feelings when I need to.
But today I’m going to use it to paint my spare room. Not literally to paint my spare room, but to motivate myself to paint it. I have been promising my husband I’m going to do it for several months now, because he works full time and I only work part-time. The spare room is the last room to be done and it’s pretty disgusting to be honest. He has already pulled up the carpet in there and now there is really no excuse for me not to do it.
I think I’ve been putting it off because I’ve been focusing on losing weight and having a better diet and trying to get my fitness levels up, but I think the time has come for me to stop using that as an excuse and get on with it. If I really get going, I can paint it in two days, so it is not that big a deal, but it’s having the motivation to do it.
You know what I mean, a really mundane job that you don’t want to do and you end up finding loads of reasons not to do it, basically you procrastinate and hope it will go away.
That is something I’m really fighting hard not to do any more, procrastination and hiding has been something that has held me back all my life and I’m determined not to do it. It’s part of the reason I comfort eat, I can’t face tough choices so I end up retreating into eating to comfort myself from the fact that I have avoided the fight. I cannot keep doing that and I am determined not to do it even with things like painting the spare room.
Nothing is going to beat me any more, and I’m certainly not going to let painting do it. I going to face up to it today and get on with it, and I’m also going to do some exercise well, so that I keep on track with my weight loss target.
I didn’t feel very well today so I had to take a day off work. My husband took the kids to school and sorted everything out before he left. Which has left me sitting here feeling really lonely and blue.
I’m not sure what’s wrong, I think I might just have a bit of a general rundown cold, flu, that sort of illness. I’m hoping it goes away today because it’s making me feel really down and because I haven’t got much to do, I’m sitting here thinking about things don’t really want to think about.
On top of that, I’m worried that it means a day of sitting around the house not being able to exercise and I’m worried that I will get bored and start to eat badly which will set my diet routine back.
I was meant to meet my personal trainer today and I’ve had to cancel that as well, I don’t want to upset her and that’s made me feel really bad as well. So I’m not really in a very good place right now and I’m hoping that I can get on top of it before tomorrow comes.
I suppose I should be positive because I have lost 6 pounds so far and things seem to be going really well. But I’m so terrified of overeating that it’s becoming an issue in my mind. When I’m at work it’s not a problem so much, but today sitting around the house I’m a bit bored and down and it’s making me want to meet. I’m realising how much I want to comfort eat and what a driver inside me it is and that really scares me a bit of I’m honest.
But I suppose I should try and be positive rather than get really down, but then everybody gets a bit down when they are real. I’ve managed to reschedule with my personal trainer and so it’s not a problem in that respect and she seemed fine with it, I suppose everybody gets ill. In terms of losing weight, so far today I’ve only eaten one thing which is bad, and that’s a couple of rounds of white toast and jam, so just got to make sure that I don’t go crazy from this point onwards. So to finish this blog post on a positive, I am feeling blue today with nothing to do, but I haven’t had a disaster yet.
After the other day when things will really bad and I comfort ate, today has been a much better day. I have found a great personal trainer who lives just down the road from me in Winnipeg, and she’s going to help me to formulate a proper plan and then I’m going to meet up with her a couple of times week for an hour in the local park to do some exercises as well.
In terms of losing weight, I have done really well after my setback, and I’ve lost 4 pounds so far. That’s not a great deal of weight to lose overall, but it is progress and at this rate I will feel much better in a few weeks time. So I am really pleased about that and I’m going to spin the positive on that rather than thinking there is a long way to go.
I also told one my friends about my dieting blog here, not the address because I want to keep it secret, but just that I was blogging about diet and exercise progress, and she said it was a great idea and she’s decided she might do exactly the same thing as well. Just like me she has children and struggles with getting the time to focus on looking good and she needed some motivation, and I think the thought of being accountable on a blog like I am really excited her.
So that was really great because I feel like I’m helping someone else with the battle that I’m going through, and I’m also hoping that if people reading this online are thinking about starting their own battle against being obese then they may start a blog if I have inspired them with my progress here.
Anyway, that’s enough for me tonight. I’ve been neglecting my husband recently because of everything been trying to achieve with my weight and exercise, and also with work, and also his work because his job is very stressful at times. So I’m now going to go and come up on the sofa and watch a film with him and then have an early night because life is too short.
Today has not really been a great day, I got really angry and upset and ended up eating and not exercising at all. It’s been really really not very good at all.
I had been doing really well and had lost a few pounds, and I was very happy with how my weight loss progress was going.
On a positive note, I have found a personal trainer who lives just down the road and we have had a chat and I think she’s going to help me, but it’s too early for her to help me today, and it has been horrible.
Basically, I got home from work to find somebody had parked in the allocated parking space outside our apartment. There are two allocated parking spaces for each apartment and my husband’s car was in the other one. When I went in I expected to find somebody they’re talking to him, but he didn’t know whose car it was either.
For some some reason I felt very violated. I went out and put an angry note on the car and then knocked on all the doors of neighbouring apartments but nobody knew who it belonged to, or nobody was saying. It could well have been somebody who had dumped the car and then gone off to do something locally. Anyway, they didn’t come back until late in the evening, and it was dark and I didn’t see the car go and I was really angry because I wanted to confront them. But on reflection is probably good I didn’t because it could have escalated and got nasty.
So then I was really upset and spent the evening comfort eating just like the bad old days. I think I may have undone any good work I did so far in my attempts to lose weight and get my health and fitness to a higher standard.
My husband was supportive but couldn’t really understand why I was so angry. He said obviously put a note on the car, but that is not really a lot else either of us can do, I can’t go out and hit him and you going outside and screaming at him will not help either. Deep down I know he was right, but at the time I was just so angry.
This is my first serious attempt at laying out in black-and-white exactly what I’m going to do to achieve long-term weight loss.
I’ve been reading really hard over the past couple of weeks and making lots of notes on the best ways to lose weight, what sort of diet to have, what sort of exercise to do. It’s quite difficult to sort out the good from the bad, and I’ve been reading a lot of websites including the Podaima Performance site which has a lot of great information.
One thing I gleaned from reading a lot of health and fitness websites is that I could really benefit from having a personal trainer. I don’t have a problem with spending the money, so I have been looking around over the past few days for a personal trainer in Winnipeg who can help me. There are gyms around here, but I’m thinking they might charge a premium for me to use their personal trainers. So I’m looking for a self-employed person locally here in Winnipeg who might be able to help me with my fitness program.
Anyway, what I am in at the minute in terms of trying to lose weight is a Catch-22 situation. That is what I have to get out of. When I get depressed I eat, which makes me more depressed and then I eat more. I have to break that cycle, and I think the way to do that is through focusing on good diet and regular exercise and focusing on the positives in life.
It may mean that it is a long tough road, but I think in terms of losing weight for the long term I have to break the cycle I mean once and for all. That means confronting some issues and being brave over the next few weeks so that good habits become embedded forever.
And it’s not just about good habits, it’s about planning. I have to get a diet in place and plan each day ahead, so I’m not snatching at what ever is to hand when I get ravenous. And that is part of the problem, I’m rushing around so much that I get really hungry and they just have to eat, and I grab anything just to get calories inside me. That isn’t great and I know that it’s created a horrendous eating habit in me.
So that’s it, that’s my plan laid out here to lose weight and get my fitness back on track for the long term, I’m going to keep looking for a personal trainer, and I’m going to get a diet plan laid out and I’m going to start with some gentle exercise in the next couple of days just get the ball rolling.
It had to stop. It has to stop.
I can’t go on the way I am. I have been putting off doing something about my weight and self-esteem issues the years and all that’s happened is that I have been eating more, exercising less and becoming more and more physically and emotionally lazy.
The end of all that has been that I am very overweight, more than three stone overweight, and I feel lethargic and ugly. I cannot carry on like this and I have to do something about it right now before it is too late and I require long term intervention to help myself.
I don’t want to become a statistic and more importantly I don’t want my children, who are both still very young, to grow up with the idea that being obese is normal. So I want to lose weight and I want to get fit and I want to get healthy so that my family get a good role model like I should be.
So I’m going to use this blog to pour my heart out and put pressure on myself to succeed. I need that jolt, that electric shock to get me going, and I think that the fact that I could affect my children’s health in the future by being way I am is that jolt. And I need to spell it out here to make sure that I can see it in black and white and understand how serious this could be.
So this blog is going to be about my weight loss journey and I’m going to be holding myself accountable for it. I live in Winnipeg, Canada, so this will mostly be about my fitness journey and a bit about my life here, so I apologize if some of this blog is boring to anyone. I hope that if you are also struggling with your weight that you do find what I write here useful in your own battle, but generally I am writing this from me, for my own benefit, so please don’t be offended if you don’t get anything out of reading it.